Busy investors do not have (want to make) time for long verbose cover letters/emails for your presentation. Write for a skimmer:
- Keep it really short
- Cut out all management buzzwords and padding (synergies, engagement, strategic, flexible, ROI, etc.) that everyone else is using and which have become verbal white noise. Use conversational, human language
- Say how you got to her (our dads were in high school together)
- Say what you want early on (advice, money, intro to someone), and ask for a very specific next step.
- Prioritise interesting content of the pitch (unusual facts, case example, unexpected advantage over a well-known competitor (2x as many users as Facebook, etc.) over a well structured, complete, business school essay. You are not trying to get a grade for your mid terms, you are trying to get a follow up phone call.
- Make it highly/relevant/specific to her: complements portfolio company x, y, z, matches what you spoke about at a conference last week.
- Use typography to break the text, to make it easier to speed read: big concept, 3 (short) supporting bullets, another concept, supporting bullets.